Why making mistakes and even failure are important in learning and in life

“I can accept failure, but I cannot accept not trying”

Michael Jordan

‘’Do not judge me by my successes but by how many times I fell down and got back up again”

Nelson Mandela

As a primary school teacher for 12 years and now a mum of two children under the age of two, I have had many opportunities to witness the way in which children make mistakes whilst learning and how we can use those mistakes positively, to help develop and progress the children in our care.  As a primary school teacher for 12 years and now a mum of two children under the age of two, I have myself made mistakes in the way in which I have approached teaching and learning opportunities and communicated with children.  These mistakes at times have hindered me in my efforts to provide the best learning experiences for the children I teach or the best nurturing experiences for my own children.  However, on the occasions that I have been able to reflect upon these mistakes and understand why I made them I have found that I can use the knowledge gained to my advantage in order to make future improvements.

As parents it can be difficult to admit our mistakes, especially to our children, or even our peers. But once made mistakes are important to acknowledge and own.  Hiding from our mistakes, pretending they didn’t happen, or blaming others sends a message to our children that mistakes and failure are things to be ashamed of, brushed aside and not acknowledged.  This breeds a culture of fear and worry, where our children are afraid to take responsibility for their actions and then fail to use them to learn from.

Here I want to outline how mistakes can be positive and how we can use mistakes to make progress in our lives and the lives of our children:

Mistakes show us how to take responsibility. Allowing other people to witness our failures and mistakes or talking about times when things haven’t gone the way we planned or hoped for, shows that we can take responsibility for these mistakes.  This sends a clear message to those around us that it is ok for things to go wrong and that we do not have to be ashamed or embarrassed when they do. By handling failure with dignity we are teaching our children how to live with integrity. To be able to accept your own imperfections is to allow others to be imperfect too.  This is hugely important for children, who constantly seek our love and approval and become anxious if this approval is jeopardized, perhaps by them making a mistake or appearing less than perfect. The fear of making a mistake can be paralyzing for children, so much so that they begin to avoid certain situations or activities, or worst of all decide not to even try something for fear of ridicule and failure.  Over time this can lead to children missing out on a wide range of opportunities to gain valuable skills and experiences. By owning our mistakes we are showing children that they too can make mistakes, and that this is normal and completely acceptable.

Mistakes can be used (through analysis and feedback) to help us understand what works, and what doesn't. Learning is a process, through which we make improvements and progress until we acquire a desired skill or attain certain knowledge.  Children need to know that along the way of their learning journey they will face challenges and sometimes they will falter or fail.  Showing our children that we can learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others is hugely empowering for them.  They begin to learn without fear, with an openness and honesty that allows their natural curiosity to shine through.  Talking children through situations where mistakes have occurred (yours or theirs) and highlighting ways in which you or they could make changes and improvements is integral to your child’s ability to become a confident and independent learner. When encouraging reflection upon mistakes you are allowing children a chance to reconsider their own actions and choices and helping them to develop the tools they need to be able to make positive changes in their own lives and learning.  They begin to problem solve more creatively and more independently.  They then become more confident when approaching new situations or challenges because they have had opportunities to safely question their own approaches and the approaches of others in a way that is supportive and nurturing.  It is truly a great gift to offer your children (they learn so much through observing you and your actions) to allow them to see you as fallible and for them to see that for you making a mistake is not something to be ashamed of.

Mistakes teach us about acceptance, of ourselves and others. Mistakes help us face our fears and understand our shortcomings. Mistakes allow us to learn about ourselves and others. By admitting that we ourselves make mistakes we become more understanding and tolerant of the mistakes of others.  We become kinder, more empathetic and more able to help and support others.  We begin to share experiences and understanding in a way that is non-judgmental and find we can both take on the ideas and suggestions of others more easily and offer our own suggestions for improvements with confidence.  Children begin to cooperate and work together, supporting and learning from each other.  Seeing their parents’ model this type of behavior is vital to children’s ability to replicate it.  By allowing your child to see you work collaboratively with others, accepting different ways of approaching problems or challenges and not fearing the reactions of others should you make a mistake, you are showing your child how to accept themselves and others.  You are giving them the tools they need to be able to offer opinions confidently and also how to be able to acknowledge the good practice of others and use it for their own benefit.

Mistakes show us how we want to live our lives. Mistakes teach us to fully engage in our lives and to realize what our lives may be lacking. Through the ownership of our mistakes we begin to see what it is that we need in order to overcome the results of these mistakes and make changes that allow us to live in a way that we can be proud of and satisfied with. Children are no different to us, they do not like the negative feelings associated with mistakes and failure.  Teaching children to embrace these feelings and use them to make positive change is an extremely valuable skill to impart. Learning that from failure success can be born is extremely empowering.  In this same way mistakes give us opportunities to inspire others, by showing your child where you went wrong, you are encouraging them to find solutions and new approaches to shortcomings or errors. Children will be excited by the challenge of being able to do something you have shown them is difficult.  They will be inspired to come up with their own interpretations of problems and difficulties and to find creative ways to surmount challenges.  Showing children in a practical way that ‘if at first you don’t succeed, try again’, is one of the most important life lessons you can share.  To encourage children not to give up, to be persistent and tenacious is massively important in terms of their ability to persevere in life and achieve the goals they set for themselves.

Admitting to mistakes takes courage, learning from mistakes takes insight, making changes as a response to mistakes takes time. The reward for this effort is not only to witness your child’s progress but to be an active part of their learning and development, whilst at the same time making positive changes in your own life. Together you and your children will become a team, where there is a mutual trust and ‘no blame’ culture that allows for the growth of their confidence and independence and the development of their skills.

                                                                     By Alice Fraser

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My name is Alice Fraser, I am currently a stay at home mum as I have a son, 22 months old and a daughter 5 months old. Up until having my children I was a primary school teacher and have taught in a number of contexts around the world. I began my career in the UK, working mainly in the early year and lower primary setting. I was a member of the senior leadership team and specialized in Assessment. My next posting was to Vietnam, where I worked for BIS and BVIS in a teaching, leadership and training capacity. I truly loved my time in HCMC and became a better teacher through my experiences there. Currently I live in Australia, where I taught in a school for very special and high need pupils, prior to having my children. As a mum I'm still learning, and it is possibly the hardest learning journey of all. The responsibility we have to guide and raise our children to the best of our abilities is huge but it is an honor and a privilege to be a parent to my amazing kids!

Tôi tên là Alice Fraser.  Hiện tại tôi ở nhà ‘chăn’ 2 nhóc nhỏ, 1 bé trai 22 tháng và một bé gái 5 tháng tuổi. Trước khi nghỉ ở nhà làm nhiệm vụ của người mẹ, tôi là giáo viên tiểu học và đã dạy ở nhiều trường học, địa điểm khác nhau trên thế giới.  Tôi bắt đầu sự nghiệp giảng dạy ở Anh Quốc, dạy phần lớn các em lứa tuổi mầm non và các lớp đầu bậc tiểu học.  Tôi đã tham gia đội ngũ lãnh đạo quản lí của trường và chuyên về đánh giá hiệu quả của việc dạy và học.  Sau đó, tôi tự thử thách mình với nhiều vị trí khác nhau như là giáo viên, quản lí và đào tạo cho Nhóm trường BIS/BVIS chi nhánh thành phố Hồ Chí Minh.  Tôi vô cùng yêu thích những năm tháng làm việc ở Việt Nam và qua quá trình cọ sát, chuyên môn sư phạm của tôi ngày càng vững vàng hơn.  Hiện tại tôi đang sống ở Úc cùng chồng và 2 con nhỏ.  Trước khi sinh con, tôi có dạy cho những trẻ cần sự hỗ trợ đặc biệt.  Tôi vẫn đang không ngừng học để làm tốt vai trò người mẹ và có thể đây là hành trình học tập thách thức nhất của tôi. Là bố mẹ, chúng ta có trách nhiệm hướng dẫn và nuôi dưỡng con của mình trong khả năng tốt nhất có thể.  Trách nhiệm thật nặng nề nhưng tôi luôn cảm thấy vinh dự và diễm phúc được làm mẹ của 2 đứa con tuyệt vời!