Discipline and learning – how as parents can we best encourage good behavior and a good attitude to learning in our younger children

Expectations

Firstly you need to ensure that your expectations of your child’s behavior are realistic and age appropriate.  With very young children this is particularly important as their attention spans are short and their ability to retain and recall information is limited. A young child is not by nature necessarily rational or empathetic. They do not have the capacity to understand the effect their behavior has on others.  Over long explanations of what you deem appropriate and why you think your child should or shouldn’t do something will be confusing and counterproductive.

Establishing rules

Very young children will not adhere to rules as they will not be able to keep track of a set of rules and remember to apply those rules in the appropriate situation.  They will however remember simple rules if phrased as instructions.  They also respond well to being offered a very simple reason for why they should or should not do something.  Try to include this in your communications about behavior.  For example; the oven is hot, it can hurt you; if we bang the glass it will break; some things are very special so we don’t touch them etc. 

Consequences

Children will begin to understand simple consequences of their actions but they will not necessarily remember them or act in accordance with them, without a lot of support and reminders. Positive consequences, such as if you share people will want to play with you, or I like it so much when you listen nicely etc. can be very useful when encouraging behavior that you wish to see. However, expecting very young children to consider the feelings of others is often unsuccessful as up until around 5 years of age children do not really have the capacity to empathize. If you can avoid negative consequences so much the better as threatening children can very quickly become a downward spiral. Avoid making threats that you cannot follow through or are unwilling to follow through as your child will soon get the message that your words don’t carry much weight. If you do need to use negative consequences keep it short and simple. A minute to sit in a certain spot or the confiscating of a toy for a set period. Be sure to move on after the consequence has been dealt with and remember that your child has probably already forgotten whatever it was they did to cause the consequence, in the first place.

Choices

Offering your child a choice when encouraging them to act in a way that you would like, can be very beneficial.  Young children are just testing the boundaries and seeing how much power they can exert.  If you want your child to get dressed, for example and they are not willing, try saying would you like the red t-shirt or the green t-shirt? Long pants or shorts today?  Would you like to share the truck or the car with your friend? Shall we eat peas or carrots today? Young children like to feel that they are in control and offering them choices helps to achieve this while you still get the result you wanted.

Positive praise and Positive phrasing

By using positive praise and positive phrasing you can guide your child towards the behavior you would like to see them exhibit.  Positive praise means finding something good that they are doing and telling them in a meaningful way why you like that behavior.  For example, I really appreciate you sitting in the shopping trolley so well because I can get all the shopping done easily. It’s great when you hold my hand when we walk because I know I can keep you sage.  If you have more than one child you can use positive praise to encourage good behavior among your siblings. When one child is doing something really well at the same time as your other child is perhaps misbehaving, ignore the ‘bad’ behavior and praise the child who is doing well.  This praise needs to be meaningful and honest in order for it to encourage the misbehaving child to re think their actions.  Inherently children want to please and be loved, they will actively seek positive praise if they hear it being offered in a genuine capacity. So if one child is eating well, sitting calmly, listening to instructions, being kind etc. then point it out and praise them for it, being sure to explain in simple terms what it is you are happy about with their behavior.  The child who is not acting so well will want to receive this same praise and will often imitate the good behavior.

Choosing your battles

Not every piece of undesirable attention may need to be addressed. Use your common sense to help you to decide if you need to point out or correct every tiny thing your child does or if there are times that you can happily ignore certain things (obviously not if a child’s behavior is becoming dangerous to him or herself or other). Sometimes it is better to simply distract your child in order to avoid their behavior escalating.  Move them in to another situation or environment, offer them a toy or activity, talk to them about something totally unrelated to the situation you can see about to occur. Also remember that some behavior is not ‘naughty’ or ‘bad’ it is simply the behavior of a young child exploring their world and testing their own abilities.

Finally when considering discipline with a young child, be consistent and fair and encourage all those involved in your child’s upbringing to do the same.  It can be very confusing for children if mom, dad, grandparents etc. have different ideas about what is acceptable behavior.  It is also worth considering that at daycare and school the rules and boundaries will be more rigid and it is a good idea to begin to prepare your child so that they are able to function in this more formal setting. Children respond well to routine and consistency so try not to put them in situations where their ability to control their behavior will be tested, keep things as predictable as possible in order to keep young children calm and settled. Try to run your errands when children are not tired or hungry, similarly if you know a certain situation will lead to unwelcome behavior try your best to avoid it.  This period of time when your child is small and just working things out will not last forever, try to make it as easy on yourself and your child as possible.

         Cô Alice Fraser – Thành viên của Nhóm Cùng Nhau Chia Sẻ